Obama Rally in Indianapolis, Indiana

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But as long as I was thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and request my absentee ballot on Monday. This was a highly unusual move since I tend to be a master procrastinator. But then again this is a highly unusual election, and Indiana, the reddest of Red States, might actually end up being a contest . So I clicked the link conveniently provided in the MoveOn.org e-mail and printed out the necessary form.

But one of the few pieces of information this form required was the Indiana address I was registered with...oops. This is a really simple question if you're voting absentee because you just happen to be out of town on election day. But if you haven't lived in the state for over 6 years, and it's been at least four years since the last time you had to supply it...the question suddenly becomes quite complex.

Not only was I dorking on the exact address of my last apartment in Lafayette (though I was able to find a street view of it on Google Maps, go figure), I also had a vague recollection of *possibly* switching my voter registration to my Mom's address before the 2004 election. In any case, I was pretty sure that whichever one I chose to put on the form would be wrong...thus delaying the arrival of my ballot.

So after supper I began calling the Tippecanoe County Election Board office to find out which address I was registered under. Let's just say they were a wee bit busy. But I'm so glad I persisted, because when I finally got someone on the phone, I found out that my voter registration had been made "inactive"! They still had my name in the system, which means I could have challenged it had I shown up at my local precinct on election day, but I had to re-register in order to qualify for an absentee ballot.

According to the very helpful young woman I was dealing with, their files did not indicate WHY my registration had been suspended...only that it happened sometime in August of 2006, which is really strange considering I'd voted in 2004. Indiana law states that a registered voter has to skip voting in two consecutive general elections in order to have suspended and (eventually) purged from the rolls, so I should have been fine. But given all hanky-panky surrounding voter registration lists in the U.S. lately, part of me wasn't really surprised.

So my absentee ballot is (allegedly) on the way to Sweden, but I so regret not requesting it earlier.  Maybe if I had, I could have warned some other unsuspecting Hoosiers to check their registration before the Oct. 6 deadline.  Now the only comfort I can offer to beleagured Indiana Democrats is the following analysis from Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 Blog:

Indiana: The Bastard Stepchild of Swing States

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And this gem:

Churches Illegally Endorse Candidates

Thirty-three pastors in 22 states are in danger of losing tax-exempt status for their churches after endorsing a candidate from the pulpit. What do you think?

Rebecca Landsman,
Systems Analyst
“I’m glad I have no idea who my vehemently pro-life, anti-gay-marriage, anti-stem-cell-research, pro-intelligent-design pastor endorses.”

Bill Norris,
Computer Programmer
“I, for one, enjoyed my pastor’s fiery reading from the Drudge Report last Sunday.”

Bob Valchek,
Teacher’s Aid
“Great, now I have to sit through more boring sermons about God and faith.”

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Dr. Darling: (laughing) But you hate it when I do that.

Shazzer: (oozing sarcasm) Maybe I'll get lucky and the Dishwasher Fairy will fly by and load them while I'm gone.

Dr. Darling: (sober as a judge) I totally believe in her.

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Obama out to flip Indiana to Dems

UPDATE: Evidently the McCain campagn thinks there's something to it, too.

McCain forced to defend Indiana

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Hat tip to my cousin Casey for pointing me to MoreCowbell.dj, a site that provides a very essential service: the ability to upload your favorite song (as an mp3) and add more cowbell, as well as the voice of Christopher Walken from his seminal role of 70's record producer Bruce Dickenson on SNL .

Casey thinks it will be the next Ebay, and I'm inclined to agree! Hope you enjoy one of my favorite songs, "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence, featuring 43% “more cowbell” and 100% more Walken!

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But given the fact that I now have regular occasion to actually wear an eye patch, I have absolutely NO excuse for not celebrating this silliest of “holidays”.

My Swedish colleagues are SO going to love this!

Signed,

Capt. Rumjugs McScurvy

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Sometime today, the built-in hit counter here at ShazzerSpeak rolled past the one million mark. Which pretty much begs the question: "Don't you people have anything better to do?!"

Seriously though, nobody is more surprised by this than me. Except maybe the privacy-obsessed Swede, who is convinced that the numbers are primarily the result of spam bots and people searching for pictures of Swedish soccer star Freddie Ljungberg in his underwear.

Shazzer: Hey now, plenty of those hits are real people!

Dr. Darling: Well I don't understand why anyone who doesn't know us personally would have the slightest interest in reading your blog.

Shazzer: Why is it so hard to believe that folks might just enjoy my writing?  Stranger things have happened.

Dr. Darling: True. Who would have guessed there would be so many people searching Google for information on expired yogurt?

Shazzer: That was one entry!

Dr. Darling: Face it, our lives are boring and most of the people who end up on your blog end up there by accident.

Shazzer: That's SO not true! I'm a good story-teller. I'm even funny on occasion. That's why people read it. You want me to ask about it in my next post?

Dr. Darling:  Sure. And while you're at it, ask visitors to leave their IP numbers so I don't have to troll StatCounter for them later.

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Just finished my 5th meeting/appointment of the day...and it's only 3:30 p.m. How the hell do they expect me to get any work done?!!! 03:29 PM September 01, 2008

And the meeting merry-go-round continues today. Still trying to figure out exactly WHEN I'm supposed to do any work. 09:21 AM September 02, 2008 

Trying to decide how insulted I should be after getting off the phone with a telemarketer who asked if I was interested in a "make-over." 06:00 PM September 02, 2008

Text to Dr. D: "Where are you Sweetie? Hot dinner date w/your lover? If so, could you bring home a doggie bag? I don't feel like cooking." 06:14 PM September 02, 2008

The 5:45 a.m. Gym crowd is decidely thin today. It is Wednesdy, right? 05:55 AM September 03, 2008

Waiting on my ride to our annual departmental retreat. The pick-up point is the fire station...which feels potentially prophetic. 07:05 AM September 04, 2008 

It's only 11 a.m. and I'm already tired of listening to Swedish. The English-language ppt. presentations are the only thing saving me now. 11:04 AM September 04, 2008 

Lunch FINALLY! I can never get enough tomato and mozarella salad. Especially if its garnished with toasted pine nuts. 01:02 PM September 04, 2008 

Drinking coffee that's been allowed to sit on the warmer too long...but I'm so desperate for the caffiene jolt that I'm trying to ignore it. 03:20 PM September 04, 2008

A colleague's baby just barfed on me. Guess he didn't like the coffee either. 04:03 PM September 04, 2008 

Hope nobody asks me what the last four hours of this meeting was about because I tuned out LONG ago. 07:54 PM September 04, 2008

Back in the office, and back in meetings. TGIF. 10:14 AM September 05, 2008

Cool, rainy Saturday morning. Perfect for building a nest on the couch & snuggling down into it indefinitely, which is exactly what I need. 07:41 AM September 06, 2008

Just watched a Swedish retirement planning commercial featuring two middle-aged gay men. Just one of the reasons I love this country. 01:51 PM September 06, 2008 

I love the fact that Jamie Oliver recipes are nearly impossible to screw up. 07:51 PM September 06, 2008

Watching Naomi Watts' tour de force performance in "Mulholland Drive", one of my favorite films of all time. 09:07 PM September 06, 2008

On the train, heading back to the office, AKA 'Meetings 'R Us'. I can already feel the headache coming on... 07:15 AM September 08, 2008 

Not that I'm chaotically busy or anything, but it was 3:00 this afternoon before I realized that I had my underpants on inside-out. 04:45 PM September 08, 2008 

Totally bumming that I won't be able to watch the premier of a Rachel Maddow's new MSNBC show live tonight. Go Rachel! 07:24 PM September 08, 2008 

Tuesday is proving to be identicallly chaotic to Monday, except that today I'm certain that I have my underpants on correctly. 01:46 PM September 09, 2008

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• Clearly "I'm not that strong a texter"...*
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What time I did spend in front of the computer was dedicated primarily to trying to figure out the answer to this question:

What the hell was John McCain (AKA McSame AKA INSANE) thinking with his VP pick? 

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin can't possibly inspire confidence in anyone except hardcore evangelicals who are waiting around for the apocalypse anyway.

And now that it's been announced that her 17-year-old daughter is knocked-up, even the Holy Rollers have to be a little disappointed.  Especially since they've only got a few more months of having to pretend that Mary Cheney doesn't exist.

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I haven't been able to watch any of the Democratic National Convention live because it airs in the middle of the night here in Sweden.  But this morning I flipped through YahooNews photos of last night's events with tears rolling down my face. We gotta elect this guy. Seriously.

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What follows is a run-down of my Tweets for the week...which feels a little bit like cheating in terms of creating a "new" entry.  But on the other hand, sharing complete thoughts and events in 140 characters or less often requires a bit of creativity!  In very short bursts.  Enjoy!

From my Twitter Timeline:

Watching Joanna Lumley slog thru the Borneo rainforest saving orangutans. She's so classy and charming even while covered in mud! 07:30 PM August 17, 2008

Missed my intended train thanks to it departing from a different track than usual (on the opposite side of the station). 06:45 AM August 18, 2008

Fortunately there was a 'slow' train leaving 3 minutes later, but clearly not a good start for my 1st day back from vacation. 06:53 AM August 18, 2008

Despite back-to-back meetings, I've managed to whittle my inbox down from 104 to 33 new messages this a.m. But damn, my Swedish is rusty. 11:57 AM August 18, 2008 

Inbox now stands at 15 messages that still need attention. Must fetch a strong of a cup of Swedish coffee to help power me through the rest. 02:28 PM August 18, 2008

Listening to a torrential downpour on the roof of my office. Nice to know Mother Nature wasn't picking on me specifically last week. 03:52 PM August 18, 2008

Braving the crowds @ the Malmö Festival under threatening skies with 2 small children in tow. Yes, we're crazy. 06:56 PM August 18, 2008 

The live band that I can hear from our balcony during the Malmö Festival is playing a very serviceable cover of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". 10:11 PM August 18, 2008

So I was at the station with plenty of time to spare this a.m., and the train left 7 minutes late. Story of my life. 06:52 AM August 19, 2008 

On my way to Lund University to be a radio star and the train is actually on time! It's a friggin' miracle! 03:27 PM August 19, 2008 

Just spent 20 minutes of air-time on the Swedish state-run pharmacy's booming sales of sex toys. So liberating! 05:15 PM August 19, 2008 

Can't stop laughing while watching a British documentary called (in Swedish, at least) "Help! I can't stop farting!" Seriously. 09:36 PM August 19, 2008

The landline phones are down at my office this morning, which means I may actually be able to get a few things done sans interruption! 09:29 AM August 20, 2008

Still no landlines at my office and my productivity level is "off the chart"! (Wish I could get away wth a phone-free day once a week.) 12:34 PM August 20, 2008

On the 'slow' train home from the office because the 'fast' train is running 19 minutes late...so far. 04:30 PM August 20, 2008 

"Border Security: Australia's Front Line" is my new favorite reality show! Who knew customs enforcement was such an exciting career field? 08:17 PM August 20, 2008 

Blogged it: Small children + big street festival = Danger, Will Robinson! http://tinyurl.com/5qvhgn 09:18 PM August 20, 2008

Blogged it: You Go Girlfriends!!! http://tinyurl.com/5vqqp5 12:18 AM August 21, 2008

A fellow commuter just dumped hot tea on my left ankle, which naturally filled my shoe and soaked my sock. Good times. 06:55 AM August 21, 2008

Too many meetings today (a hallmark of the Swedish corporate world). I'm so glad it's almost quittin' time. 03:47 PM August 21, 2008 

I don't know what Dr. Darling's been eating for lunch, but the menu definitely needs to change. 10:06 PM August 21, 2008 

What does it say about me that I chose to miss my train rather than leave without my iPod? (Which didn't want to eject from iTunes this a.m) 07:16 AM August 22, 2008

Rats, I thought the e-mail from BarackObama.com would be the VP pick, instead they want me to host a "convention party"...in Sweden? 08:53 AM August 22, 2008 

Just signed up to pay a 3rd-party for Twitter notifications via SMS. Still don't understand why Twitter wasn't interested in my money??? 03:15 PM August 22, 2008

It's almost quitting time! God this has been a long week. TGIF everybody! 05:35 PM August 22, 2008 

Watching "Hannible" and not quite buying Julianne Moore as Clarice Starling. Then again, I loves me some Jodie Foster. 09:26 PM August 22, 200

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So when my brother-in-law called and said he wanted to bring his young family to "the big city"* to take in the annual Malmö Festival on Monday night, I was more than a little anxious about how it would go.  Our nephew is four and can occasionally be resistive to following directions, while our niece just turned two and luckily was willing to be buckled into a stoller for a good chunk of the evening. With the somewhat comforting ratio of two adults per child (but idiotically, ZERO umbrellas) we headed for the city center.

After taking the youngsters on a couple of the kiddie rides set up on Stortorget (and getting rained on in the process, naturally) we set about choosing what to have for dinner from among the bazillion local restaurants represented at the festival. This decision was based on a couple of issues: 1) Would the kids eat it? and B) How long was the line to get it?  And of course the length of the line had to be calculated against the availability of temporary picnic table seating set up nearby, which is always in short supply and very cramped at these kinds of events.

We settled on cajun-grilled chicken and crispy fried potato wedges with garlic-lime sauce (a personal Festival Favorite) and Magnus and I stood in the queue while my sister-in-law and Dr. Darling scouted seating with the little ones.  Miraculously, they scored a table that would accommodate all six of us as long as we were willing to share it with two uniformed cops sitting on one end. Sweet!

But as I arrived at the table juggling multiple plates of chicken and spuds, my nephew was balking at the prospect of sitting next to one of the officers, which is really odd considering that his grandfather is a cop. I quickly volunteered to take his place (we had to move fast or risk losing the seats), and immediately struck up a conversation with them...hoping to demonstrate to my nephew that police officers who don't happen to be "farfar"** are still our friends.

And evidently while this was going on, my niece was unbuckled from the stroller so she could take her place on the other side of the picnic table, except that whoever turned her loose did not actually sit her cute little butt down on the bench, and not one of us saw her walk away.

Fortunately, her father (who is very tall) eventually spotted her in the teeming throng not more than 10 yards away from the stroller, but in the interminable 90 seconds that we didn't know where she was, our new best friends at the end of the table were on their feet and their police radios notifying nearby officers to be on the look-out for a tiny blonde-headed, blue-eyed girl wandering around on her own and clearly in need of cajun-grilled chicken with garlic-lime sauce.

Once assured that the police weren't going to charge any of us with reckless endangerment, we were able to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. (In fact, the cops were great, and were especially empathetic toward the shaken parents.) Still, I don't think my hyper-responsible Swede will ever completely get over the embarrassment of losing a kid in the presence of law enforcement, and has made me promise to NEVER mention the incident to farfar. ;^D

*Malmö is Sweden's 3rd largest city after Stockholm and Gothenburg

** Swedish for paternal grandfather, literally "father's father"

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Dr. Darling and I have been on vacation for the last two weeks with plans to spend five or six of those days on a bike tour.  Unfortunately, this kind of trip is highly weather-sensitive, but could we possibly get a couple of consecutive rain-free days?  HELL NO.

When it became apparent that we wouldn't be able to be out for the better part of a week on the Swedish island of Öland, we regrouped and decided to shoot for two or three days on the Danish island of Bornholm.  This plan involved taking the train down to Ystad and then hopping a high-speed ferry out to the island.

But the forecast on Bornholm wouldn't cut us any slack either. Frustrated and feeling like the opportunity to bike at all was fast disappearing, we decided to just "saddle up" under cloudy skies on Tuesday and cycle to Ystad, where we would check the weather prognosis again before deciding whether or not to get on the boat.

I suppose we should have known better.  Summers in southern Sweden are notoriously unpredictable weather-wise, though we've been pretty lucky with August in the past. This time, we didn't even reach the outskirts of the city before the rain started. But it was warm, and we were appropriately dressed for it, so we soldiered on anyway. But unlike my previous cycling-in-the-rain experiences, this is the first time I was wearing glasses. Between my HUGE blind spot on the right-hand side and the raindrops on my safety lenses, it was a miracle I managed to stay on the road at all.

We stopped in Svedala for a late lunch, primarily just to get out of the rain for a bit.  Once our bellies were full we were ready to resume cycling, but the temperature had dropped and once again we were just on the edge of town when the precipitation went from a steady shower to a downpour, so we turned around and made a beeline for the train station.   The remainder of the trip down to Ystad took about 35 minutes, and thankfully it wasn't raining when we rolled our bikes off the train.

Unfortunately our timing sucked (as usual). We had just missed the ferry and it was a 3-hour wait until the next one. So we checked the weather forecast (not good) and made a few phone calls to check on accomodation options in case we didn't want to pitch the tent in a puddle. Turned out there were rooms available, but the longer we sat around in the (blissfully dry) ferry terminal, the less the frugal Swede liked the idea of spending money on a hotel room when we could get back on the train and be home in an hour.

And in the end, that's exactly what we did. Which means that when I go back to work next week and my colleagues ask me what I did on my vacation, I'll get to tell them that I rode a fully-loaded touring bike 25 kilometers in the rain to have a hamburger in Svedala.

Good times.

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More details when I'm not such a foul mood about it.

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We're headed for the Danish island of Bornholm, where the forecast over the next couple days is still calling for some precipitation, but not enough to cancel the trip altogether. Of course our preference would be that my first tour since becoming monocular was under ideal conditions, but this is Scandinavia in summertime after all.

So we're heading out today, because as my grandmother used to say, "You may be made of sugar, but you won't melt."

I plan to mobile blog our adventure for as long as it lasts, and of course I'll be tweeting, too: http://twitter.com/shazzer

Wish us luck!

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We're all packed up and ready to go the moment we get a reasonable stretch of dry weather, though neither one of us is holding our breath for that to happen any time soon. In the meantime, Dr. Darling made a rather disappointing discovery while coordinating our transportation to Kalmar (the coastal city where you cross the bridge over to Öland). It seems the Swedish national rail company (SJ) missed the memo on what a bicycle-friendly country they serve, because the rules for bringing a bike on board a train are clearly intended to discourage people from doing it.

First off, they require you to make a reservation in advance, which is fine when your travel plans are not dependent on the weather.  Then, if you want to be able to roll your bike onboard loaded with touring gear, the trip has to originate OUTSIDE Sweden, otherwise you're expected to completely disassemble it and stow it like luggage. I kid you not.

Surprisingly enough, the skinflint Swede was willing to pay for tickets originating in Copenhagen in order to avoid having to take the bikes apart in Malmö's Central Station and reassemble them in Kalmar.  But we both balked at the reservation issue, because it would mean committing to specific dates that could easily be rainy and unbike-able.

Enter Plan B.  In this case the B stands for Bornholm, a small Danish island a bit further off Sweden's southeast coast. And we can get there by taking a regionally operated train (Skånetrafiken) to Ystad that permits us to roll the bikes onboard fully assembled and loaded with our gear. From there we catch a high-speed ferry out to the island.

Off course implementing Plan B will require that it's not raining on Bornholm either.

Anybody got a suggestion for Plan C?

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Fortunately for the police department in the northern Sweden city of Luleå, a visiting Jamaican tourist was able to confirm that the hundreds of unusual looking plants growing in a local park were indeed ganja.

According the story in The Local, “police theorized that someone had surreptitiously spread cannabis seeds among the flower beds earlier in the summer, leaving the city’s park maintenance crews to unwittingly take care of the marijuana’s cultivation.”

Pretty damn clever plan if you ask me!  As well as a humorous example of Swedish practicality in action!

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More Republicans decide that they don’t have time for their own convention.

Is anybody actually surprised?

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