The Cyclops Chronicles @ shazzerspeak.blog-city.com

Farewell fair Switzerland

Shazzer — Sat, 17 May 2008 19:55:00 GMT

After five fantastic days in Germany visiting some dear friends, we’re now on our way back to Zurich to catch the flight home. It’s cloudy and cool for the first time since we arrived. Our friends said we’d brought the sunshine with us and it had probably gone back to Sweden a day in advance so as to be ready to welcome us when we arrive early this evening.

We spent Friday canoeing and biking…two more forms of transportation to add to the list! The canoes were actually more like two-person kayaks and it took us awhile to coordinate our paddling…but we were good enough at it by the end of the river trip that Dr. Darling was no longer threatening to divorce me.

After leaving the canoes at the drop off point on the Lake of Constance, we biked the 10k back to Meckenbeuren. I was a bit nervous about this part of the excursion because I hadn’t been on a bike since losing my eye. Fortunately it was literally ‘just like riding a bicycle.’ Balance was not an issue at all and I just took care to give myself a wide berth when judging distances. It felt fantastic to be so comfortable and confident about it, especially since I was on a borrowed bike in an unfamiliar locale. What a gift!

Of course we stayed up too late last night drinking wine and talking and playing games. But that’s just what you do on your last night with good friends. And the slight headache I have right now was totally worth it!

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Sweden screws with yet another holiday tradition

Shazzer — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:38:00 GMT

Easter Weekend was a four-day affair here in Vikingland since both Good Friday and Easter Monday are official holidays. Dr. Darling had it even better because Maundy Thursday is a holiday in Denmark, begging the question, "At what point does a long holiday weekend become just a week of vacation?"

We are usually invited up to my in-laws for some portion of the Easter break, but the holiday kind of snuck up on everyone. And given that we'd just spent the previous weekend in Edinburgh, neither one of us was really game for a roadtrip. Besides that, the weather forecast was crap, and I had accepted a freelance job proof-reading a doctoral thesis, so we were pretty much resigned to spending the time off holed up in The Penthouse-Nordic.

But as is typical for me, it wasn't going to feel like a holiday unless there were a lot of people around. So I cajoled Dr. Darling into hosting some friends for Easter Dinner, which...in a nod to the Swedish habit of celebrating all holidays on the eve of their actual date, was scheduled for Saturday night.

My initial menu plan included lamb and roasted potatoes, because that's what my Mom always served when I was a kid. But by Saturday morning I realized I just didn't want to work that hard...especially since I was going to have to prepare something separate for the non-lamb eating Swede anyway. And since the meal wasn't even going to take place on Easter Sunday, it was a pretty easy leap to abandon all recognizable tradition and go with one of the "Specialities of the House", spaghetti with meat sauce.

We served it with a big green salad, garlic bread and copious amounts of red wine, which helped everyone forget that it was Easter, let alone the original menu plan.

I suspect I was the only one who missed the lamb, which gives me a good excuse to have Dr. Darling take me to Fagan's for it...possibly as soon as next weekend. It's a local Irish pub that serves surprisingly good food and they always have lamb on the menu. Then again, I may have to throw caution to the wind and try the kangaroo. (Yes, you read that right.) Because nothing says traditional Irish pub grub like grilled kangaroo filet served with Calvados Cream Sauce and Golden Delicious & Red Onion Chutney.

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Forgive me for this Third Eye Blind reference...

Shazzer — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 07:19:00 GMT

But today was the final fitting for my third prosthetic eye, and I can't see a damn thing out of it.

So I had no choice, really. (As one of my favorite stand up comics, Paula Poundstone, might say, "I didn't want to, I HAD to.")

But thanks to Martin the perfectionist prosthetist, the fake eye looks incredibly authentic!

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Look in the mirror much?

Shazzer — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:19:00 GMT

Evidently I don't. At least not before I leave for work. (And if my colleagues have ever noticed bad hair or the occasional mis-matched sock, they've been too polite to say anything about it.)

There are presently just two mirrors in The Penthouse-Nordic. One is in the bathroom and is invariably fogged up from my morning shower. The other is a narrow full-length model that's attached to one of the doors on Dr. Darling's free-standing wardrobe that sits in a corner of our bedroom.

Thank God for the mirror in the elevator, because otherwise I would have ended up at my office yesterday with no prosthetic eye and no eye-patch to cover the empty socket...meaning I would have had to spend the day in a perpetual wink. (I wonder if my co-workers would have noticed that?)

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An eye for an eye...

Shazzer — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 11:03:00 GMT

I was supposed to pick up my new eye this week, but after multiple fittings and adjustments, my prosthetist still wasn't happy with the results. While the colour is a really good match and the size of the iris is much better, he didn't like the way it moved and decided it would be best to just start over.

So Dr. Darling, who happened to be with me for this particular appointment and has been very curious about the process, ended up seeing WAY more of it than anticipated. Because by "starting over", Martin the perfectionist prosthetist meant completely from scratch, which included taking a new impression of my eye socket. Blech.

Fortunately the notoriously queasy Swede was able to stay upright while watching the procedure, and even managed to snap a few pictures of me looking like the cyborg in The Terminator before he puts on the dark sunglasses. I go back on Monday (solo) for the even more gruesome fitting with the wax model Martin will make from the new impression.

The good news is that I get to keep the one Martin doesn't like as a spare. Though had I known I was going to get an extra one, I would have gone for a different colour...probably a green one!

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Not quite like losing a contact...

Shazzer — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Back before Christmas when I was fitted for my temporary off-the-rack prosthetic, the nurse warned me to be careful when I rubbed my eyes because it would be very easy to accidently pop it out.

This was important to know because the temporary fake eye is made of glass and has the potential to shatter if it hits a hard surface. Then there's the whole "freak-out factor" should it pop out unexpectedly in an inappropriate place, like at a dinner party or in a shopping mall. But the main reason to be careful about accidently knocking the prosthetic out is that I wasn't going to be taught how to put it back in until my permanent plastic one was ready.

So I was very careful about rubbing my eyes initially, and it was easy to remember because the glass eye feels very different under the eyelid than a natural eye does. But I must have gotten used to the sensation because this morning, while sitting in my office talking to a visiting former colleague, the prosthetic popped out of my eye socket, bounced off the desk and clattered across the hardwood floor.

I'm not sure which one of us was more startled, my friend Jessica, who hadn't seen me since before the surgery, or me, who for the first time in weeks did not have an eye-patch in my pocket. I HAD to get it back in, and I'd never inserted it before.

I picked it up and sprinted to the bathroom where I could wash it with warm, soapy and water and use the mirror to help me get it back in. Jessica stood by for moral support while I literally tried to figure out which way was up. The prosthetic itself is not symmetrical, and because I had not yet been shown how to insert it, I was unsure which side was the top and which was the bottom.

After consulting with Jessica, who was game to offer up an opinion despite having even less expertise than me, I managed to slide the top side (we think) of the glass eye up under my upper eyelid and then pull the lower lid over bottom of it. And it felt okay, so I'm guessing I had the thing right-side-up, thus dodging the embarassing bullet that would have been spending the rest of the work day in a perpetual wink.

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"Too drunk to wok"

Shazzer — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:31:00 GMT

I met a few former colleagues for a drink after work last night while Dr. Darling chose to stay home and get dinner started, a beef stir-fry.

I called the Penthouse-Nordic as I left the bar and the following conversation ensued...as far as I can remember.

Shazzer: Honey, I'm too drunk to wok.

Dr. Darling: You're too drunk to walk? You've only been gone an hour, how much did you have?!

Shazzer: No, I'm too drunk to stand over a wok and toss water chestnuts in hot oil with one eye.

Dr. Darling: Well, I've already started working on the veggies.

Shazzer: And I only had one cider, Cheeky Monkey! But on an empty stomach, that's all it takes. I'm starving! How far along are you with the veg?

Dr. Darling: Well, ummmm...I've taken them out of the fridge.

Shazzer: Why am I not surprised? Put them back and just start the rice. We're going with Plan B.

Dr. Darling: Which is?

Shazzer: Something that doesn't involve sharp knives or sizzling hot oil. Did I mention the one-eye thing?

Dr. Darling: Yes, you did. I'll see you when you get here. Walk carefully.

Shazzer: I thought we just decided that we weren't going to wok?

Dr. Darling: Shut up.

Shazzer: I love you, too, Sweetie!

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You're gonna do what?!!!

Shazzer — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 06:59:00 GMT

I don't know what I was expecting to happen at the first fitting for my permanent prosthetic eye, but I really didn't anticipate having my eye socket squirted full of synthetic modeling goop that hardened to the consistency of frozen Silly Putty.

But evidently that's how they get the proper size and exact dimensions for the mold that will be used to cast my new fake right eyeball. Some highlights:

1. I got to take the "off-the-rack" temporary prosthetic out myself using a tool that strongly resembled a smaller version the rubber darts that came with the toy dart-gun I have at my office.

2. The actual casting wasn't painful, but the modeling goop was cold, smelled funny, and thanks to the connection between my still intact tear ducts and my sinuses, I could actually taste it, too, making for a multiple-sensory experience.

3.The second half of the appointment had the prosthetician working with a set of enamel paints to create an iris that will match my left eye as closely as possible. Turns out the the color I have always referred to as "mouse brown" is in fact flecked with significant amounts of gold and green. Fancy!

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Monday morning mammography

Shazzer — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:41:00 GMT

Okay, so I can think of a lot better ways to start a week. But at least today's mammographical experience was a lot better than my first one, when a computer problem kept "the girls" clamped between the plates longer than should be allowed by law.

I also did not have to re-live the trauma of walking from the dressing room to the exam room (and back again) totally topless. But that might just be because the appointment was at a medical clinic downtown rather than the university hospital, and as it was a much smaller facility, patients disrobe in the same room where the x-rays are taken.

Tomorrow I have another medical chore...getting fitted for my permanent prosthetic right eye. (I got a temporary one just before I left for the U.S. for Christmas.) Hopefully, this appointment won't involve any nakedness at all. But then again, this is Sweden.

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When size really does matter...

Shazzer — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 10:52:00 GMT

While the size of the desk in my office hasn't really changed, it sure feels bigger since the arrival of my new flat-screen computer monitor.

From what I've observed around my workplace, it seems I'm one of the last people in the company to get one. Because even though there's a regular upgrade schedule for all computer hardware here at corporate HQ, the IT Department adheres to the underlying principal of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" for as long as possible.

My dinosaur-esque 15-inch monitor (which was old when I inherited it over three years ago) was still chugging along quite nicely and not scheduled to be swapped out until my laptop is upgraded later this year. But things changed after my surgery. Not only was the flat-screen monitor fast-tracked, I was also given a 17-incher rather than the standard size. (Evidently there are some benefits to losing an eye.)

So far I'm really loving the extra real estate, not just on my computer screen but also on my desk. In fact, my office actually feels bigger! It's almost as if I got a promotion without any added responsibility!

This has me wondering just how far I can push my new monocular status. Next up, converting my need for the maximum amount of natural light into an exterior-facing window! (Wish me luck. )

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So this is what it's like to work full-time...

Shazzer — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:16:00 GMT

For awhile there I was afraid I had forgotten how!

I returned to the office yesterday for my first full 8-hour day since the surgery, and much to my relief it didn't feel all that much different from any other time I've gone back to work after spending Christmas in the States. In other words, I was no more sluggish than usual!

By day's end I was pretty crapped out, but that's just as likely to be jetlag as anything else. My body clock is still majorly screwed up. I'm not hungry or sleepy when I should be and haven't managed to get more than five hours of sleep a night since my first one home.

I'm still a little uneasy about doing the commute in the dark, though, so I'll be taking advantage of my company's flex-time policy over the next few weeks to log my office time between 7 and 3:30. That way I'll at least be able to make the trip back to Malmö in daylight, and of course there's the added bonus of avoiding the peak traffic hours on both ends of work day.

But best of all, it will mean getting home around the same time as Dr. Darling. I suspect I could get used to that!

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Imagining all the party tricks in my future...

Shazzer — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 10:03:00 GMT

I was fitted for a temporary prosthetic eye this afternoon, a procedure that I thought would be much more complicated than it actually was. The nurse brought out what looked like a flat jeweler's case containing a selection of brown right eyes in different sizes. She then selected three that she thought might work for me.

I kind of anticipated it would feel strange when she placed it in the socket, and I was right about that. The first one was a little too large and kind of pinched when I blinked. She used a tiny spatula-looking thing to pop it out, and it was hard to resist the urge to flinch even though I knew there was no eye there to get poked.

The second one fit much better and within a few minutes I could hardly feel it was there. It doesn't match my left eye perfectly, but then again it is only an "off-the-rack" loaner until I get fitted for my permanent one in January. Additionally, my right eyelid is a little droopy...but the nurse said that will be better with my custom prosthetic, too.

The session did not include any care or cleaning training for me as I'm not supposed to take it out unless I develop an irritation or infection or something...in which case I should call the eye clinic. I will be taught how to handle insertion and removal when I get my permanent one next month. That should be really interesting.

I'm now getting ready to sleep with it for the first time. Here's hoping it doesn't accidently fall out in the night, because Dr. Darling would TOTALLY freak!

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Running the gauntlet...

Shazzer — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 17:09:00 GMT

I'm not sure which was more stressful...travelling home from my office during rush hour last Friday sans wingman, or navigating the crowds of Christmas shoppers in the city this afternoon with Dr. Darling.

Both seemed equal to the task of producing anxiety, and that is not in any way a reflection of my Sweetie's skill as a "seeing-eye Swede". It's really more of an indication of just how much I HATE shopping in this country. Consumer goods are really expensive (primarily because of the 25% sales tax that's built into the purchase price) and customer service is notoriously non-existent.

Having said that, we did have a pretty suiccessful outing, scoring gifts for virtually everyone on the Swedish side of the family. This is a far greater challenge than shopping for the American side, because my relatives will swoon upon being presented with the usual holiday trifecta of Zoegas coffee, Marabou chocolate and All Sorts licorice (which is actually British, but readily available here).

Being in my office on for a couple hours on Friday felt great, but the trip up to Landskrona and back was pretty tiring, and I wasn't nearly as productive as I'd hoped to be owing to an awful lot of folks wanting to just hug and squeeze and talk to me about the surgery and how I was doing. It's great to be loved, but I can get alot more work done telecommuting from home!

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Back to the grind, sort of...

Shazzer — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:23:00 GMT

I've been working half-time this week, but doing so from the comfort of The Penthouse-Nordic. It feels really good to be "back on the job", and four hours in front of a computer seems just about right...though I suspect that's probably because I can take frequent and extended breaks when I need them.

Still, it's been an important step in getting back to some kind of normal. Along those lines, I had dinner with some colleagues at a restaurant here in Malmö on Tuesday evening, and learned that A) I can, with concentration, handle a full set of silverware and multiple wine and drink glasses without embarrassing myself, and B) my Swedish is REALLY rusty from being at home for the last month!

So tomorrow, I'm going to make the trek to Landskrona to do my four hours IN the office, which I only just slightly nervous about. I plan to go up mid-morning and come back mid-afternoon so I can make both ends of the commute in the daylight. Should be interesting.

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The Cyclops Chronicles @ shazzerspeak.blog-city.com

Farewell fair Switzerland

Sweden screws with yet another holiday tradition

Forgive me for this Third Eye Blind reference...

Look in the mirror much?

An eye for an eye...

Not quite like losing a contact...

"Too drunk to wok"

You're gonna do what?!!!

Monday morning mammography

When size really does matter...

So *this* is what it's like to work full-time...

Imagining all the party tricks in my future...

Running the gauntlet...

Back to the grind, sort of...

So this is what it's like to work full-time...